The Paducah Water Letter

June 16, 2014

by Crane-Station


Last week, we received a letter titled, “Paducah Water: Important Information About Your Drinking Water, Total Trihalomethanenes (TTHM) Violation.” The letter says:

Our water system recently violated a drinking water standard. Although this incident was not an emergency, as our customers, you have a right to know what happened and what we did to correct this situation.

Trihalomethanenes, according to the letter are “four volatile organic chemicals which form when disinfectants react with natural organic matter in the water.”

My husband and I don’t drink alcohol, soda, juices, flavored drinks, or mixed powdered things. Just good, clean tap water, occasional tea and morning coffee. We thought. We never knew, that like alcohol, tap water has a 0.080 limit, and legally, according to the letter we just received, at 0.081 mg/L, our tap drinking water was at least for a time, contaminated.

But, according to the letter, 0.081 is “not an emergency.” So, what is an emergency? Could it possibly be the water that I’m 53 and look 80, that our teeth are going bad at an alarming rate, that we seem to be going blind, and every night, Fred ‘does’ his eyes? Without going into the gory details, his eye routine does not involve makeup, but it does involve me saying to him, “Oh, are you going to do your eyes now?” That’s how routine it has become, just like the box we have, labeled, “teeth,” that also has the ineffective mouth guard a dentist once suggested. But perhaps these are the normal routines of individuals who live with non-emergency environmental pollution.

We simply assumed that our area was afflicted with uranium hexaflurouride (UF6)-related toxins. We reasoned that USEC, the Gaseous Diffusion Uranium Enrichment Plant that closed a year ago that no one is allowed to speak about in Paducah lest you get shot in the face or arrested was still sneak-enriching uranium, or else Honeywell, across the river dropped some uranium accidentally during conversion- something like that.

We learned that when the West Virginia chemical spill happened that there really are hundreds of chemicals, toxins, and pollutants, and that the Ohio River, for example, could be more aptly named The River of Blood. Given the list of horrendous possibilities raising visions of the atomic era that earned Paducah the name “Atomic City,” we never once considered the simple possibility of a toxin hidden in plain sight in our drinking water. Therefore, I shall help out, with the Paducah Water Letter as follows:

What should I do?

There is nothing you need to do. You do not need to boil your water or take other corrective actions. Spit your remaining teeth out where no one is likely to step on them because sores never heal, especially on the feet. If a situation arises where the water is no longer safe to drink, notify an undertaker. You will be dead in 24 hours.

Believe it or not, the letter actually says this, word-for-word:

If you have a severely compromised immune system, have an infant, are pregnant, or are elderly, you may be at increased risk and should seek advice from your health care providers about drinking this water.

You can’t make this up.

Next sentence, no fingers crossed: “This is not an emergency.”

What does this mean?

This is not an emergency, unless you’re alive. If you are, there is nothing you can do about it anyway, except inform your neighbors. But it’s too late for that because everyone is a dead person walking. We waited six months to tell you these things in a letter so that anyone inclined to hire the likes of a functional lawyer from Tennessee and sue in Federal court, where, let’s face it, you’ll die while we out-wait you anyway, the six-month cushion will curtail those urges you may have to tie up our rigged dockets, while you spit your teeth out, onto the sidewalk.

Joking aside, there is a specific request in italics to share the letter, by putting it in a “public place,” so I have scanned it. The water company explains that it has flushed lines, changed disinfectant levels/types and performed additional tests. The company states that the tests have determined that its efforts have proven to be effective. Three times in the one-page letter, we are told, that this is not an emergency. It is also notable, given the likelihood that women may have conceived in the months since this information became known in January, that the letter did not become public until the end of May; indeed, it is impossible to notify one’s physician as the letter itself advises, if one is unaware of the problem.

There is a State Water System ID Number KY0730533.

Did you know that there are many unregulated contaminants in our drinking water, and that reports of issues continue in West Virginia?

note- This post is satire. Unrelated, as always, please have a look at the Decorah Eagles!

Rogue Group Reveals Plan to Clean up Crime Labs, Bogus DUID Laws

March 17, 2014

by Crane-Station

A group in far Western Kentucky calling itself ‘Nobody Talks, Everybody Walks,’ neither drinks nor uses drugs but is nonetheless fed up with Fourth Amendment roadside no-suspicion stops and DUI arrests and crime lab corruption, and has a solid plan to be consistent with the Commonwealth’s goal, which is, after all, to keep everybody honest.

The group members all have the cleanest blood you could possibly imagine, so the plan is to 1) generate guaranteed fucked up ridiculous unsupported unreasonable profile stops by having 1000 cars with out-of-state plates from California, Oregon, and the Weedbowl states Washington and Colorado driving the set speed limits all around town, obeying all traffic laws at any given time, and 2), when stopped invariably by the McCracken County Sheriff, on suspicion of DUI because you are from Seattle or God-forbid Boulder or worse yet: Los Angeles, hand over license, current insurance, registration, and then politely and firmly demand on the spot chemical blood test presumptive screening and quantification of: 6000 known drugs, all known religions, all major philosophies and three theories of the universe of choice.

Each person will carry several Physicians Desk References (PDRs), because it may be simpler to hand the arresting officer one of those and say, “I would like quantification, please, preferably on LC-MS-MS, but surely you have learned to work a GC/MS machine sometime in the last 20 years, haven’t you? If not, please send my blood to NMS Labs in Willow Grove, PA. Basically what I am looking for here officer is, a yellow book pages of zeros, for jury trial. Because we are going to jury trial, of course.”

Meanwhile all cars in the program have sophisticated data systems reflecting speed and direction at any given time so the officers can’t tell huge ass lies about the recordings in court, and likewise the prosecutors can’t testify either, as they usually do, without being under oath or subject to cross examination, because sometime officers do forget their lines. There is working audio visual inside the car and out, of course, and this is special: A rolling FBI crime Lab van on scene with redundant equipment, including capability to draw blood before the officer spikes your second sample. The pre-stop sample will be drawn from an indwelling central line. The after-stop sample will go to a CLIA-regulated clinical independant lab.

The group will stop state police lab analysts from coming into court and speculating about little green men on the lawn or the moon being made or green cheese, or anything outside their scope, especially if it is clinical. No trauma. No ACLS. No current vent setting theories for ARDS. And no clinical effects of drugs, especially ones that they claim they have never seen before and cannot find with a goddamn map.

No field sobriety tests whatsoever, absolutely no urine under any circumstances at all. Quantitative blood for everything under the sun. No guilty plea. Jury trial. Continuance to get the chain of evidence. Continuance to get the bench notes. Continuance to get the calibration papers. Demand to see the ISO-9000 compliance quality assurance documents. The proof of education documents for the lab tech, proof of continuing education.

This will be excruciating for the Commonwealth, of course. Too bad. They want more testing, by God us citizens are here and ready to comply with it. But there’s one condition. In fact, there are two. You want more testing? We get quantification on everything you want, from a reputable lab. Most sensitive limits of detection available. The citizens will obey the law. The Commonwealth will not get 50 bites at the apple, they will have to do 6000 tests up front. That’s the deal. We are here to comply. We will not play reindeer games with later-on fill-in-the-blank perjury.

The rogue group estimates that McCracken County may be broke in approximately 20 minutes because this will put a stop to the guilty plea extortion railroad mill once and for all. The group recently spoiled a dipstick cannabis guilty plea extortion scam in another town where officers were showing defendants a control dipstick, claiming cannabis was in the urine, so the defendants were guilty.

The current theme will feature West Coast a ‘dirty hippie’ theme that McCracken County Sheriffs will be absolutely helpless facing; they will be pulling law-abiding citizens over nonstop 24/7. Dreadlocks. Animal print pants, rolled up pants. Thongs. There will be a Lamborghini Veneno in Silver with red trim driven by a blond trannie in beautiful leather boots, driving the speed limit even though the car cruises at 200 MPH. In the back seat is a lone riding crop, and the designer CA tag says 2L8IWON. Subarus. Backpacks.Tie-die. Head bands. T-shirts, that say odd things, like, “There’s nervous and then there’s nervous;” “Failed the HGN;” “watery and bloodshot;” “nervous and fidgety,” and “unusual, disturbing and suspicious.”

Weed bumper stickers, things that say stuff like “free speech zone.” Roller blades. Bikes. Guitars. Bubble tea. Bags from the Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood. Designer sunglasses. Tons of music. Grateful Dead tie die. A faded receipt receipt from Michell Brother’s in San Francisco. CDs on tape. Books.

“Our current group of dirty hippies headed out to Kentucky to obey the law and get pulled over for no reasonable suspicion DUI includes a group of Jet Propulsion Laboratory Workers with PhDs in Physics from Caltech who designed their own badass interior trunk of their state of the art car to basically rove McCracken County like that thing on Mars. These guys are the same ones who pull those insanely amazing Rose Bowl scoreboard pranks every year and in that vein, they’ll cull all the data from the 911 tower and every cop car in the county and every nonworking body mike and dash cam video before you can say “lose the exculpatory evidence.”

“We have doctors out the ass, who are all volunteering to head out to Kentucky to obey the law, and testify as actual experts in clinical medicine, they have all agreed to allow the Commonwealth to put on its state crime lab analyst to pose as a clinical expert and then, it will essentially be sharks a a frenzy including, in no particular order, world class published experts in clinical medicine/internal medicine/critical care/toxicology from UCSF, USC Keck USC University, UCLA, UC Davis, Cedars Sinai, Loma Linda, UC San Diego, OHSU, Denver General, U of WA. While we are at it, we will swing by the CDC in Atlanta and pick up some law abiding hippie epidemiologists/toxicologists, and basically walk around Emory picking up PhDs in Organic Chemistry who have been working with things like extraction and GC/MS since Jesus was a baby.

“We anticipate a bogus profile stop at least every 15 minutes around the clock, they’ll be on their knees looking for cannabis in the hippie blood,” says the new director. “They’ll spend multiple thousands upon thousands searching for that molecule and they may as well piss up a rope because it won’t be there. And we know they really really want to work very hard to find evidence to prove guilt. We think our program will help them, in their expensive, frustrating and futile search.”

Volunteers are donating time, skills, and supplies to the program, which is catching on everywhere. A man in Missouri said, “This was so much fun, stinging the cops, hell I never wanted to drink again. We all went to cruise control, and they damn near went out of business, between that and the no more DUIs. We took control back of our rights and our town.”

The Wizard of Oz cast, featuring Hoboken

January 19, 2014

posted by Crane-Station

Chris Christie - Whoppers on the Bridge
‘Chris Christie Whoppers on the Bridge’ image by DonkeyHotey on flickr

Cast of Characters

The Tornado: Bridgegate

Oz, aka The Land of Oz: New Jersey

Munchkinland: Hoboken, New Jersey

The Munchkins: The People of Hoboken, New Jersey

The Wicked Witch of the East: Former Hoboken Mayor Peter J. Cammarano III

Dorothy: Hoboken Mayor Dawn Zimmer

Toto: Steve Kornacki, and MSNBC

Glenda, The Good Witch of the North: Mayor Zimmer’s desire to get relief funding to her beautiful and densely populated town, Hoboken, that was eighty percent underwater and damaged, during Hurricane Sandy.

Emerald City: Hurricane Sandy Relief Money

The Yellow Brick Road: The process that Mayor Zimmer must go through, to qualify and get Sandy relief funding to the town of Hoboken, New Jersey.

The Lion: The Mayor of Fort Lee, the people of Fort Lee and the commuters of Fort Lee who got stuck in that fucked up traffic jam.

The Tinman: Infrastructure, the GW Bridge and The Sixteen Blocks in the North end of Hoboken that got shunned by that rigged study.

The Scarecrow: All the other mayors, judges and people in elected positions who got fired, called names, voted off the island, taken off the bench for no reason, kicked to the curb, and thrown under the bus by the Christie administration and then flamboyantly blamed, for the failures of the Entire Human Race. So, the Scarecrow is: him, her, them, those other people, and all of the mean terrible lying predatory animals out to get the Christie administration and destroy it by next Tuesday, including the vast, overarching left-wing conspiracy. In other words, the Scarecrow is anyone other than Governor Christie, and his administration.

The Wicked Witch of the West: The Christie Administration. Then again, maybe it’s just him.

The Wicked Witch’s Flying Monkeys: The Port Authority people who email stuff like, “Time for some traffic problems in Fort Lee,” and various and sundry other people from the cabinet of the character mentioned above, who go out in the field and do the governor’s actual wet work, which includes telling the mayor of a giant, beautiful town that if she wants any Sandy relief money from the…get this: Federal government…there are strings attached, or some version of that.

The Flying Monkey Attack: Some act of revenge. It’s getting to where these things are announced ahead of time, like, “I’ll get you my pretty. And your little dog to, Ah-hahahahahaaaaa.” Or, this.

The Wizard of Oz: To be announced

endnote/disclaimer: Others might see better choices for casting!

Related, article with MSNBC Steve Kornacki video is here:

RE-UPDATED: Hoboken Mayor Alleges Gov. Christie Withheld Hurricane Relief Money to Get Redevelopment Project Approval

Better gitty-up and git yer tickets now

October 18, 2013

Friday, October 18, 2013

Good morning:

I know all of you are just dying to attend the Gun Rights Preservation Forum next month in Viera, Florida. The Republican Liberty Caucus of Central East Florida is sponsoring the event and you know that anything they sponsor will be absolutely magical.

Mark O’Mara will be the enthralling speaker for the evening event. Don’t be late, because he will be presented with the Republican Liberty Caucus of Central East Florida’s annual Jefferson Cup Award, which is awarded for speaking truth to power.

Bob White, chairman of the caucus, said O’Mara earned it by standing up against the prosecution of the case against Zimmerman and standing up to the media coverage of the case.

No event like this would be complete without a raffle and this event is no exception. The Republican Liberty Caucus of Central East Florida will be raffling a Kel-Tec 9 mm semiautomatic pistol and a bible.

Florida Today has the story.

Tickets for the gun and Bible raffle are $15 apiece or five for $50. White said the combined value of the gun and the Bible are about $500.

“I would say it’s a proven, reliable, self-defense firearm,” said Marc Boileau, the owner of Affordable Pawn and Gun in Melbourne, which is working with the Republican Liberty Caucus in providing the Kel-Tec PF-9 as the raffle prize. Boileau also noted that Kel-Tec CNC Industries Inc., is based in Cocoa.

White said the connection between the raffle prize and Zimmerman is coincidental, and that the Republican Liberty Caucus chose a Kel-Tec gun as a way to support a local company.

“We basically thought this would be a great way to highlight the Second Amendment and raise money for our organization,” White said.

Get your tickets now because I’m sure you won’t want to miss this exciting event and pass up a chance to win a bible and a really cool gun just like the one Zimmerman used to murder an unarmed and helpless Trayvon Martin.

Don’t Go to Law School — Find Out Why

August 30, 2012

by Crane-Station

While Fred works on another post, I will share this for readers who are interested in the subject of law school and higher education.

These videos are satires that address the God-awful truth about graduating from law school into a declining economy. Many graduates, even from top-tier law schools are saddled with debt and unable to find any meaningful legal work. It is very frustrating for many who have dedicated many years to higher education, only to be forced to work in unrelated, low-paying jobs upon graduation.

There are also some unethical and predatory practices among some of the start-up law schools. I have personal interest in this subject, because my husband, who is the blog owner here, Frederick Leatherman, was enticed to teach, along with many others, at a start-up law school in this area. He became a whistle-blower on some egregious corruption that involved, among other things, the deans stealing thousands of dollars in student loan money from students. When Fred became aware of the unethical practices and counseled students to seek placement at other law schools, he was fired from his job. The school subsequently closed and filed for bankruptcy; many of Fred’s students did go on to graduate from other schools and are practicing law today. As it turns out, the situation at the school I have just described is not all that unusual.

For further reading on the subject please visit the discussion over at Professor Paul Campos’ blog Inside the Law School Scam:



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