The Paducah Water Letter

by Crane-Station


Last week, we received a letter titled, “Paducah Water: Important Information About Your Drinking Water, Total Trihalomethanenes (TTHM) Violation.” The letter says:

Our water system recently violated a drinking water standard. Although this incident was not an emergency, as our customers, you have a right to know what happened and what we did to correct this situation.

Trihalomethanenes, according to the letter are “four volatile organic chemicals which form when disinfectants react with natural organic matter in the water.”

My husband and I don’t drink alcohol, soda, juices, flavored drinks, or mixed powdered things. Just good, clean tap water, occasional tea and morning coffee. We thought. We never knew, that like alcohol, tap water has a 0.080 limit, and legally, according to the letter we just received, at 0.081 mg/L, our tap drinking water was at least for a time, contaminated.

But, according to the letter, 0.081 is “not an emergency.” So, what is an emergency? Could it possibly be the water that I’m 53 and look 80, that our teeth are going bad at an alarming rate, that we seem to be going blind, and every night, Fred ‘does’ his eyes? Without going into the gory details, his eye routine does not involve makeup, but it does involve me saying to him, “Oh, are you going to do your eyes now?” That’s how routine it has become, just like the box we have, labeled, “teeth,” that also has the ineffective mouth guard a dentist once suggested. But perhaps these are the normal routines of individuals who live with non-emergency environmental pollution.

We simply assumed that our area was afflicted with uranium hexaflurouride (UF6)-related toxins. We reasoned that USEC, the Gaseous Diffusion Uranium Enrichment Plant that closed a year ago that no one is allowed to speak about in Paducah lest you get shot in the face or arrested was still sneak-enriching uranium, or else Honeywell, across the river dropped some uranium accidentally during conversion- something like that.

We learned that when the West Virginia chemical spill happened that there really are hundreds of chemicals, toxins, and pollutants, and that the Ohio River, for example, could be more aptly named The River of Blood. Given the list of horrendous possibilities raising visions of the atomic era that earned Paducah the name “Atomic City,” we never once considered the simple possibility of a toxin hidden in plain sight in our drinking water. Therefore, I shall help out, with the Paducah Water Letter as follows:

What should I do?

There is nothing you need to do. You do not need to boil your water or take other corrective actions. Spit your remaining teeth out where no one is likely to step on them because sores never heal, especially on the feet. If a situation arises where the water is no longer safe to drink, notify an undertaker. You will be dead in 24 hours.

Believe it or not, the letter actually says this, word-for-word:

If you have a severely compromised immune system, have an infant, are pregnant, or are elderly, you may be at increased risk and should seek advice from your health care providers about drinking this water.

You can’t make this up.

Next sentence, no fingers crossed: “This is not an emergency.”

What does this mean?

This is not an emergency, unless you’re alive. If you are, there is nothing you can do about it anyway, except inform your neighbors. But it’s too late for that because everyone is a dead person walking. We waited six months to tell you these things in a letter so that anyone inclined to hire the likes of a functional lawyer from Tennessee and sue in Federal court, where, let’s face it, you’ll die while we out-wait you anyway, the six-month cushion will curtail those urges you may have to tie up our rigged dockets, while you spit your teeth out, onto the sidewalk.

Joking aside, there is a specific request in italics to share the letter, by putting it in a “public place,” so I have scanned it. The water company explains that it has flushed lines, changed disinfectant levels/types and performed additional tests. The company states that the tests have determined that its efforts have proven to be effective. Three times in the one-page letter, we are told, that this is not an emergency. It is also notable, given the likelihood that women may have conceived in the months since this information became known in January, that the letter did not become public until the end of May; indeed, it is impossible to notify one’s physician as the letter itself advises, if one is unaware of the problem.

There is a State Water System ID Number KY0730533.

Did you know that there are many unregulated contaminants in our drinking water, and that reports of issues continue in West Virginia?

note- This post is satire. Unrelated, as always, please have a look at the Decorah Eagles!

9 Responses to The Paducah Water Letter

  1. ed nelson says:

    Water will be the next… “liquid gold”. And, so maybe those poor folks who can light up their tap from escaping frack substances, will get… energy subsidies… ?, doubt that!

    I don’t know… what to believe in this cacophany of bad news compounded in these days, but one thing that seems clear enough: The notion of safety, precaution, sensibility about value of a clean environment should be a universal. Not something that is somekind of issue dividing aware citizens/human populations, in an insane adversary conflict against the powers that prevail.

    The powerful greedy ones that employ public relations and media, against full transparent disclosure of all things deleterious, are plain to see… insofar as any logic: (they must be the ”Body Snatchers” types/ Aliens.)

    Or is it all just a technique of mind control through conditioning by overburdening the public with negatives and demoralization?

    • ed nelson says:

      “Liquid Gold”, that was the old euph for… ”’ ahl’ ”! AKA oil.

      Well too bad you had some ”Troll” activity… didn’t see much response to mine… not atroll notatroll not…

      And about the teeth fallin’ out etc. … Well how’s about gettin’ in line for the next remake of…. the movie: (with Burt Reynolds,) Deliverance.

      Take a quickie course in the Banjo, and Go For It! Teeth optional… ! haha

      But seriously: Do the folks really not know, about the way it goes as to the way, each city down stream is drinking what all those above put in there, and sad to say, the state of sewage treatment is too rudimentary, poor, and not able to take so much out of the drinking water.

      IE: the sewage plants don’t take out much of the pharmacueticals!!!!!

      Weather it is flushed down as left over unwanted product, or weather it is excreted!!!! it still goes into the stream, and the poor city down stream is drinkin’ it!!!!

  2. masonblue says:

    Crane-Station here. To the stupid, hateful troll who apparently just swung by to attack my rantire at this website: Congratulations, you spineless weasel. I was on the phone to my elderly mother while you did that, and my husband, who is a lot nicer than me, #BannedYouOutright, and added you to the long List of Shame! We just love bullshit like this.

  3. crazy1946 says:

    Wow, just when I thought my monthly letter from our local water company advising us to boil our water before drinking was bad, along comes your letter. The strange part is that this situation could lead many people to drink alcohol instead of water. In our local grocery store, it is possible to buy generic beer for less than the cost of the premium drinking water… I asked about simply having my water shut off, I have a well also, and was told quite quickly and emphatically that I could do that, but I would still be billed for water, due to me having a meter. Isn’t America great, we have to pay for a commodity that is not safe to drink even if we don’t receive it…

    • masonblue says:

      Crane-Station here. Thank you for the comment. Nuts, isn’t it? I think, the bottom line here is, they really don’t want any regulation at all. I suspect that may be what we are dealing with. We don’t drink alcohol, but you do bring up an interesting point- if I were not myself sober, I might actually consider alcohol as a safer option to tap water. Given my sobriety situation, it’s not an option, but I never thought in a million years I’d ever think of it!

      We have a serious situation with our teeth that is so bizarre, that we are now convinced that the water company is not being honest at all. The letter is very odd, and if I were childbearing age I would be furious and scared.

      BTW, I will update this post tomorrow. You are viewing the nice version. LOL!

  4. Malisha says:

    ATTENTION: Your water is poisoned. Boiling it won’t help. This is not an emergency. (Because if you’re not rich enough to buy bottled water it’s OK for you to die.)

    REPEAT: This is not an emergency.

    • masonblue says:

      Right! This is most certainly Not an emergency, especially, now listen to this. Especially if you are, or were, LOL, private joke there, in your first trimester of pregnancy. You know, that time of pregnancy that really really matters, like that time when we knew the water was contaminated, back in January, we knew goddamn well that You, being pregnant, would want to notify your doctor.

      Most definitely. Not. An. Emergency.


      You see, shit like emergencies are only emergencies, really, when the rubber meets the road, when you’re rich.

      Excellent point. I’m glad you’re here, Malisha, great point.

      Not. An emergency.

  5. Malisha says:

    OMG. Somebody actually sat down and wrote that!

    You can’t make this shit up!

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